Couple enrichment for FRIENDS

The goal of this workshop, led by Kathy and Jeff Richman, is to create a safe space for couples that encourages them to improve their communication skills and to share their relationship with the group during the process of a witnessed dialogue. The witnessed dialogue is the core of any Friends Couple Enrichment event, and it distinguishes FCE events from those offered by other religious faiths. A Friends Couple Enrichment workshop is open to ANY couple in a committed relationship, regardless of marital status, gender, or race.

We invite participant couples check out our website at any time before or after the event: www.friendscoupleenrichment.org.  They’ll find a short Quaker Speak video in which leader couples describe how the dialogue process has nourished their partnerships.

After an initial period of worship, an important opening activity is a review of ground rules for couple sharing: these include voluntary participation, agreement on a dialogue topic by both partners, the right to pass, confidentiality, speaking for oneself and sharing one’s own experiences rather than solving problems. We are clear that couple enrichment is not therapy; rather, it is polishing a fundamentally sound committed relationship. We emphasize our relationships, we emphasize showing up in the here and now. We also recognize that each couple brings to the group the gift of their relationship, as well as their gifts as individuals.

We seek to hear the voices of each and every workshop participant from the start, as we model our own introduction to the group.  Some couples may be experiencing their first couple enrichment event, while others may have participated previously. It has helped us in the past to send a pre-Gathering email to the participant couples to ascertain this.

We like to give couples 15-20 minutes to do an exercise that they can complete on their own and then report on their experience to the entire group. Partners are often surprised when they discover the similarities and differences in their responses.

We introduce the dialogue process by describing the responsibilities of the speaker, the listener, and the witnesses (we have simple schematics for this).  We may offer a safe topic for couples to practice a short dialogue (after we the leaders have modeled),  each of us taking half the couples into an online breakout room. Couples may share their experience of the dialogue afterward.  The emphasis is on the communication process, and not the content of the dialogue (we are not here to solve problems).

As leaders and participants, we will model a longer dialogue on a pre-chosen topic.

For homework, we will ask each couple to bring to Sunday’s session an object from their household that has significant meaning for both partners (a photograph, a book, a keepsake)

At the beginning of the second session, after worship, we’d ask each couple to briefly share on the object that has held significance for them both.

Kathy and I will have a witnessed dialogue to demonstrate the switching roles of listener and speaker, after which we will debrief on the process itself.  Through past experience, we have felt the sense of being held by the witnessing couples onscreen, as much as if they were present in the room with us.  Depending on the number of couples remaining, we will offer each of them an opportunity to dialogue for 10 or 15 minutes, having agreed   beforehand on a topic that is not their most emotionally loaded. Many participants have reported they felt heard by their partner and were able to go deeper on their topic than ever before.

To finish our workshop, we plan to offer opportunities for couples to continue practicing their dialogues at home, giving them printed information as well as the chance to participate in dialogues each month (we call it the ‘drop-in’ dialogue.  Couples have a chance to report what they are taking with them from this workshop.  We often finish with poetry or a song celebrating couples, and finally, a period of silent worship.

Leader Experience

We co-facilitated an online couples enrichment workshop for Pendle Hill Retreat Center in March 2022. We also led a three – hour introductory online event for interracial couples in June 2023: this group had come together during the previous year’s FGC Gathering and FGC had referred them to us. Currently, we facilitate an ongoing couples growth group that formed after we’d led an in – person workshop at Ben Lomond Quaker Center in January 2022. We look forward to leading our first event at the FGC online Gathering in February 2025.

COST

The FGC Gathering includes many other activities besides workshops, and the cost this year is structured as a pay-as-led basis. The FGC website outlines various access options, with suggested costs ranging from $150 - $500.  Visit https://www.fgcquaker.org/fgcprograms/the-gathering/registration-and-logistics/fees/online-fees/#eventpackages for details.