romance: Past, Present,

and Future

An exercise for couples

This exercise is adapted from an exercise created by the Association for Couples in Marriage Enrichment, an organization started by David & Vera Mace, who also began Friends Couple Enrichment.

All relationships have a past, a present, and hopefully a future. The exercise below encourages couples to reflect on the loving and caring behaviors that we associate with romance.

INSTRUCTIONS

Take time to respond to each of the three questions below individually. Once you and your partner have both answered all three questions, begin to share them with each other. (You can choose whether you share them all at once, or bit by bit). Note for each other the answers that catch you by surprise, or any other stories and emotions that the answers evoke in you.

QUESTION #1: THE PAST

Think of the early romantic stage of your relationship. Are there expressions of caring for each other that you are no longer doing, or not doing as often? (Examples: writing letters to each other, hours-long phone calls, going out on dates with other couples, saving up money for special small treats). As you think of these actions, complete this sentence 3 times or more.

I felt loved and cared about in the past when you used to . . .

QUESTION #2: THE PRESENT

Complete the sentence below at least 3 times (if not more), being specific and positive about behaviors you notice your beloved doing:

I feel loved and cared about now when you . . .

QUESTION #3: THE FUTURE

Now think about some caring and loving behaviors that you would like, but have never asked for. Be as specific as possible.