The Ben Lomond Quaker Center Growth Group created itself after an FCE weekend retreat of seven couples in January 2022. Now in its fifth year, its four participating couples meet once a month online to sustain their community of care and support.
In general, after a brief period of opening centering and worship, each partner checks in with the group, sharing joys and concerns of the previous month. Following that, one couple (who has offered the previous month to facilitate) presents a couple exercise or a discussion topic for the group. Time is also provided for couples wishing to have a witnessed dialogue before closing worship.
To have others witness partners’ vulnerability requires courage, and is a blessing.
We all recognize the growth group as a safe and sacred space: in our culture there are very few places that support and sustain our relationships. In the growth group we may tend to our relationships in the presence of Spirit and of loving witnesses, focusing not only on managing conflict but also on building intimacy. To have others witness partners’ vulnerability requires courage, and is a blessing.
The group provides a place where we can ‘fail’ or ‘make a mistake’ in our dialogue, yet there are always the examples of and encouragement from others. To quote one participant: “Meeting in our growth group reminds me of the tools that are available to try and to use. Perhaps at least as much, I value seeing and hearing about how other couples use them in real life!
We trust that the process of couples dialogue is wise and that it does work. Indeed, practicing deep listening is our best hope for strengthening our partnerships and sustaining them over time.
